Why It’s Okay to Feel Like an Outsider—And How to Overcome It
Feeling like an outsider is something we all experience at some point, but for expats, it can be a constant undercurrent. I know this feeling well—having moved cities and continents since I was two years old, it’s almost ingrained in me.
Sometimes, I embrace it. I love being the South African who smiles at strangers, the Capetonian who appreciates cafés and wine bars, even when those cultural values don’t always translate here. But other times, it’s tough. Struggling with a new language, feeling misunderstood, or just missing the sense of belonging can be overwhelming.
So how do we balance staying true to our culture while also finding a sense of belonging in a new place? Here are some mindset shifts that have helped me—and might help you too.
1. Embrace the Differences
Your new home isn’t meant to be the same as where you came from. Instead of resisting the unfamiliar, lean into it. The more you accept and appreciate the differences, the more at ease you’ll feel.
2. Shift Your Perspective
If something feels difficult to accept, try seeing it from another angle. For example, I come from a very friendly culture, and at times, the reserved nature here felt cold. But culture is shaped by history, and if I had grown up in the same way, I might behave the same. So, I embrace my friendliness—I smile at strangers, say hello on my runs, and remind myself that maybe, just maybe, that small gesture brightens someone’s day.
3. Adopt a Helpful Mantra
Self-talk matters. When I first moved, I found the local style and aesthetics quite different from what I was used to in Cape Town. Instead of critiquing, I introduced a simple mantra: I am blessed. Now, every time I notice something unfamiliar, I remind myself of the good in my situation.
4. Make an Effort to Try New Things
Instead of comparing what’s missing, embrace what’s available. South Africans swear by boerewors, but in Germany, I’ve learned to enjoy bratwurst—without wishing it were something else. The key? Let go of comparisons and take things as they are.
5. Find Your People
Connecting with other expats can be a game-changer. Joining a Facebook group helped me find friends from around the world, and suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone in my “outsider” experience. Community makes the transition easier and reminds you that it’s okay to take your time settling in.
6. Remember: Belonging Takes Time
You are an insider somewhere—your home country, your previous city. It takes time to build that same sense of belonging in a new place. One day, without even realizing it, you’ll feel a little more comfortable, a little more at home. Until then, be patient with yourself.
Feeling like an outsider doesn’t mean you don’t belong—it just means you’re in transition. Give yourself grace, stay open to new experiences, and trust that, in time, you’ll find your place.
What’s helped you feel more at home in a new country? I’d love to hear your thoughts! 💛
